While preparing to launch the Daily Dose of Dynamite (which is, as you might guess, a daily blast of thought-provoking, pattern-challenging, firepower for living an unlimited life, served up one teaspoonful at a time,) I came across one of my note cards that said this: “Do you have the courage to play the game not to best anyone, but to bring out the best in everyone?”
I don’t remember the circumstances under which I wrote it, but finding it could not have come at a better time. For several reasons.
First, a selfish one. I’ve been challenged lately with people who only show me the worst of me and claim that is the all of me.
You know how that happens right? Someone pushes and pokes at your buttons until finally you react instead of respond, then BOOM, it’s “I knew you weren’t all that, look how bad you are!” As if it weren’t punishment enough to know that you broke under pressure, they’re gloating because they goaded you into breaking.
And then there’s a certain someone who insists on painting me the way she needs to believe I am; an emotionally fragile, sensitive soul who can’t really be expected to keep an “even keel” in a crisis or get out of bed if there has been a tragedy.
So admittedly, my first thought on finding that old note card was, “These people really are weak to need to bring out my worst so that they can feel more powerful.”
I’m not proud that that was my first thought, but I am glad it led me to the next one. Which was;
“Do I have the courage not to let it matter? Am I brave enough to look for the best in everyone, including these individuals, regardless of how their worst is impacting me right now?”
Since having that thought there have been moments when the answer was “yes,” and moments when it was a resounding “NO!” Because the courage meter isn’t constant, it takes work to keep the needle to the right.
But here is what I’ve discovered about courage.
It’s easier to get yourself worked up about beating the competition than it is to get yourself calmed down enough to have compassion for someone who has set themselves against you.
It’s easier to believe in a win when you see the other person losing than it is to feel the joy of winning when the other person is still saying “I told you so.”
It’s easier to defend yourself than it is to embrace the one who is putting you down or beating you up.
We’re taught, in sports and in life, that it takes courage to play to win.
But, as James Carse points out in Finite and Infinite Games (a bit of a tedious read, but transformational!) when you’re playing to win, you’re playing a finite game – someone has to lose and then the game is over. But when you’re playing just to keep the game going, to keep the ball in the air, to keep the fun alive – well that is a game with no winners and no losers, only players.
Yes, I think it takes more courage to play for no other reason than because we love the game.
What do you think?
If we are blessed to discover and excel at the game we love, the rest of it is superfluous.
So right Caren – and recognizing what is superfluous is a talent in itself!
Yes, but it take courage to loose too.No one will win or loose if their don’t started the game,our hole life is a game some take it too hard on themselves some take it too light,and some take it in between the master say just don’t beat yourself up or beat yourself down just let it flow be in between.If you are in between wining and loosing,you will keep the game going with fun and have total control!.
Perhaps we should just say it takes courage to enter the game? But the “keep the game going with fun” IS my win 🙂
The purpose of any game is to win. If one’s purpose is not to win, why play at all? However, winning is not all. Even those who lose learn and get better. Or they quit playing. Courage is playing again and again even when losing. As Dwight Eisenhower said, ” Courage is not the absence of fear, it is action in spite of it.” Those who continue to play are in fact winners. Our culture, unfortunately tends to focus only on the score, not the process. True winners are not always the top scorers. In fact, they rarely are…
Perhaps the answer here is “define win.” Because a win doesn’t have to be about the other person’s loss. I don’t need to “beat the competition” to win. As you say, “true winners are not always the top scorers.”
It most definitely takes Us being the Bigger Person if you will in times when others are attempting to beat us down… And Yes we are HUMAN so occasionally we might snap and that is Ok, we catch ourselves and start all over the Next day…
Dixie, not sure if you watched any of Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice show that just ended last night.Very refreshing competition that came down to country star Trace Adkins and Vegas showman Penn Jillette.
Both men played clean, fair, respectful, and both did exceedingly well each and every week. In the end, Trump had a very tough decision to make and picked Adkins.
The real winner here was everyone who got to watch 2 talented people play fair,have a superb competition and walk away as great friends, regardless of the outcome.
Both men were full of class and give hope to others watching that competition can, as you say, bring out the best in both people and done in a spirit of camaraderie.
Kudos to this years Celebrity Apprentice, and to both Trace Adkins and Penn Jillette.
Tim Smith, Smile-Therapy.com
I haven’t watched TV in about 7 years, don’t even have one of my own, but I’m familiar with the premise of the show of course. Sounds like a great example – and, regardless of the outcome, it also sounds like both gentleman have what it takes to be a star.